Riding in the Car

Mariah Hakimian

Riding in a car,

Traveling too slow to avoid the past.

Can’t escape, though everything has changed.

Instead of love there is only a smoky haze,

Stranger’s laughter and the all too short high

Her voice echoes, rings and stings in my head, it’s always there

 

I remember when she was always there.

We went everywhere, me driving the car.

Her kisses were enough to get me high.

It didn’t matter what I did in the past,

We were in that springtime lovers haze.

Her love was unconditional, her feelings wouldn’t change.

 

When my luck ran out, and I begged for spare change

no one else came around, she was always there.

Others tried to soil what we had but this haze

was impenetrable. Nothing was better than being alone with her in my car.

We talked about our future, what we had in store. Our past

and how amazing it had been sharing this love. No one could touch us, we were so high.

 

Then, somehow, her love wasn’t enough. I needed another high.

Arguing turned to fighting, our love had changed.

At first I tried to fix it, then I would do anything to pass

the blame to her. She needed me, begged for me but I didn’t want to be there.

She was needy. So I left, took my own car.

I was in my own selfish haze.

 

What I would do to look into those hazel

eyes. I can’t imagine what she’s like now, who gets her high?

Who has replaced me, who’s hand does she hold in the car?

Thinking back, I know I was wrong but my story can’t change

I reach to dial her number, to see if she is still there.

A scene from a tragic movie appears, we are head on with a pickup truck trying to pass.

 

The sound of blaring horns jolts me back from the past,

I’m back with the strangers, breathing in a skunky haze.

They laugh as I cough. I close my eyes, and there

she is. Beautiful as the day we met. Smoke will never match that high

Wearing her yellow dress, lips as pink as roses, I reach out for her kiss but they changed.

Instead of soft petals, there is only a glass tube; I am still stuck in this car.

 

She will no longer be there when I need her. I messed up, she’s in the past.

Now all I hold in the car is a pipe that oozes a lonely haze.

Nothing could take me higher than her, but her lover, me; I had changed.